Mr. Wizard's Successor

It's official! I am now poised to carry on the legacy of that popular children's educational guru, Mr. Wizard. Soon I too will be wooing young children into the leagues of science, brainwashing them with alluring demonstrations of physical law. I keep the tenets of successful classroom demos as my creed - make it big, make it loud/fiery/explosive, and make it dangerous (to the demonstrator). What kid wouldn't tune in every Saturday morning to watch me singe my beard while igniting gun-cotton with a heat gun, or discharging a 500 mF capacitor across my thumbnail, or getting instantaneous frostbite on all five toes by spilling liquid nitrogen on my foot? There's far too little science-related, accidental, self-induced bodily harm on television these days, and it's about time someone filled those big 77-Kelvin shoes that Mr. Wizard left behind. Get Nickelodeon on the phone - I've got a plan!

Or maybe I'll just add it to the pile o' diplomas.